Some people cherish items they’ve been left by passed loved ones, but inherited items come with family expectations, unspoken obligations and a feeling that letting go of something will let the passed loved one down.
These items end up taking up space in your home and your mind, and it can leave you feeling stressed on what to do with the items. Here’s a few tips on how sort what truly matters, so you can make choices to honor the past and the life you’re living now.
Why Inherited Items Can Feel So Heavy
You often attach memories to objects, so a chair or a box of letters can feel like it’s a piece of a person. Those items can end up triggering stories, smells and moments that bring comfort and grief at the same time.
If you feel guilt, you might find it harder to decide what you’re letting go of, without worrying about upsetting anyone.
When you feel overwhelmed, it might stop you from deciding what’s best for each item, and if you can declutter an item without hurting or disappointing your living relatives. You can still honor your memories without having to keep every single item.
Separating Sentimental Value From Physical Objects
You can hold onto memories without holding onto objects, so start by asking what the item means to you, and name the memory to help you decide whether the object itself matters.
Take some photos and record short notes about each item, as a digital album or voice memo keeps the story intact, and takes little space, so you can free some physical room.
Set some simple rules, like keeping one item per person or only keeping items you use or display. Setting some rules will reduce second-guessing, and make decluttering family heirlooms feel fair and clear.
You can always create some new ways to honor memories, like turning fabrics into a quilt, framing photos or writing a short family story, so you create meaningful keepsakes without keeping every item.
Deciding What To Keep Based On Your Life Today
Start by asking what fits your daily life now, by holding an item and naming one clear use each items has for you, in the next year. If you can’t, it may be time to let it go.
Think about space and function. You might love an heirloom or piece of jewelry, but have nowhere to display or store it, but keeping things that clutter your home can cause stress. Make sure you choose items that will serve a purpose or bring you regular joy.
When deciding, use criteria like usefulness, emotional value and frequency of use. Mark items with three labels; keep, maybe and let go, to help sort things quickly, and make things less emotional. You can’t possibly keep everything, so be realistic with the space and budget you have.
How To Talk With Family About Letting Things Go
Stay calm when discussing items, and ensue it’s a neutral time so nobody will feel rushed or defensive when discussing the inherited items.
Explain your goal in one sentence, like “I want to keep what matters and find good homes for the rest”.
If you use “I” statements, it’ll share your feelings without blaming, like saying “I feel overwhelmed by the amount of stuff”, rather than “you keeps too much”.
Listen to everyone’s thoughts and opinions, and their reasons for wanting to keep items, and give clear options to make decisions easier like; keep (personal meaningful items), share (give to family who want specific pieces) and donate/sell (items that can help others).
Give yourself a maybe box, where you can put things and give yourself a time limit for when you need to decide if you truly want to keep the items or not.
